Sorry I've been gone before I really even got started. I had a traumatic life event that knocked the wind out of me on Monday, but I'm back and ready to write again.
I feel the need for a little levity. Most days there are some nuts, some sane people, and some mean people that walk up to the counter. If you want to make the Crazy Ass Hall of Fame, you really have to be a standout to get our attention. Here are the top 10 of all time :
1. The guy who came in with a piece of metal in the white part of his eyeball (it was large enough to see from a few feet away), and wanted to know if we had a strong magnet he could use to pull it out.
2. The elderly lady who was bat shit crazy, wore a fake fur coat, and used the cab drivers that transported Medicaid patients as chauffeurs in her personal fleet of limousines , and who tricked me into seeing her boobs because she wanted me to look at her rash.
3. The tranny with long dark hair and red fingernails who pulled up to drivethrough and asked me if I could go get a bottle of water for her. I told her politely "no"' because I was the only one there. Otherwise I would have, because that would have been an interesting conversation.
4. The little girl who walked up to the counter with a full on pink sparkly unicorn outfit, whose mother said she just got up that day and said she wanted to wear it , so she let her. I actually really admired those two!
5. The old guy who came in missing an eye one day and told me he got in a fight with a guy in Mexico. We usually had to clean up the counter after he left because he would lean against it and his ostomy bag would leak. Didn't seem to bother him at all. And rumour had it he was actually very well off. Must have felt a glass eye or a properly fitted ostomy bag were not necessary!
6. The old man who was waiting in drivethrough and called me on his cell phone wanting to know if something was wrong with the truck in front of him, because he had waited a very long time...... and then proceeded to take up twice as much time himself when it was his turn.
7. The employer who said one of his guys had been hurt and wanted to know if we had steri-strips. Meanwhile I see the guy standing behind him, white as a sheet, holding his hand up with his other hand, which is covered with blood soaked gauze. I'm like "no, you need to get him to the ER before he passes out!(How cheap can you be??)
8. The old grizzled heavy set guy with a 3 day stubble who I finally decided, that yes, he liked to dress in ladies clothes. Mostly double knit in bright colors.
9. The Amish guy who kept talking about his wife "when she goes off"and we finally figured out he was talking about their sex life.
10. The group of stupid people who (allegedly) had a meth lab in their house, blew it up and burnt the house down Friday night, and by Saturday morning were in the store, with their faces cut all to pieces and third degree burns with a fist full of scripts for pain meds and vouchers from the Red Cross to cover the cost.
Ummmm...last time I checked, it is not a natural disaster when you mix up a bunch of volatile chemicals in a 2 liter soda bottle and blow your own ass up!!
We have a front row seat to the endless human parade, and sometimes it ain't pretty, but it sure makes for some good stories!
Catch you later,
BP
