I Pity the Fool

I used to know a pharmacist who looked and acted like John Belushi. He would say stuff like ''oh, the colored toothpicks, yes, they are up front in aisle 3 (and under his breath 'right next to the I don't give a shit aisle').  The same guy would say "hey, have you got a kid who wants to go to pharmacy school ? Send him over to me so I can slap the shit out of him ".

I pity the fool who believes the treacly commercials and thinks pharmacy would be a great career. If the pharmacy schools and chains would be truthful in their job listings and ads, no sane person would ever apply.

ATTENTION ALL PHARMACISTS!!

Are you looking for a rewarding and stimulating career at one of our professional locations? Here are a few of the perks you can expect when you work for us:

1. A generous salary and benefits package that is geared to getting you hooked on nice things and starting a family before you know what is really going on. Kind of like the trap where they drill a hole in a coconut big enough for a monkey to put his hand in, chain the coconut to a tree, and put a treat inside. The monkey's hand fits when he puts it in, but he can't pull out the fist holding the treat. By the time he figures out 

that the only way he can get away is to let go of the treat, the hunter has come along and bashed him over the head with a club.

2. No lunch breaks,no 15 minute breaks,  no food in the pharmacy, no drinks in the pharmacy, no food or drinks in the pharmacy refrigerator. And you won't be needing that hard wooden stool we give you to sit on either. 

3. Expert technician staff, who will of course get lunch and breaks, and  will also be allowed to go home early, come in late, leave and come back, not show up at all, and call in sick for days at a time .

4. Be your own boss! We often allow you to work 8 to 14 hours straight with no help.

5. Hone your clinical skills! Give shots, take blood pressures, check cholesterol, check blood sugars, check A1c, check body mass, and mix compounds, all with no help and in between your regular duties! No appointment necessary!

6. We will provide 2 smocks a year. They will not look like the ones in the commercials! Those ones are white and crisp, yours will be yellowed, pilly, floppy and sweaty!

7.  You will learn to dispense dangerous, poisonous products to all manner of people, while you are pulled in different directions and subjected to a cacophony of noise and visual distraction.And you will do it pleasantly (or else).

8. Learn how to hold your temper while we proceed to disrespect and belittle everything you do , and let the technicians, customers, managers and cashier say and do whatever they want to you!

9. Enjoy the feeling you get when you have produced 60% of the stores profit and get treated like a bag of shit!

I KNOW YOU ARE PROBABLY SAYING WOOHOOOOO....!! SIGN ME UP!!!!!

You may have to wait in line quite awhile, though, because according to the powers that be, there are a ton of people just waiting to take these jobs!!

BP